I just want a normal life. that’s all that i’ve asked God for since i was 5. I’ve always noticed that my family was not like other families. my family fought more, looked different, acted different… everything. i’m not asking for anything perfect. just something more normal. i’ve grown up with burdens, depression, and feeling like i’ve always been a useless piece of shit. sure, i’ve considered suicide, but i’ve also realized that i’m much stronger than that. i’ve put up with it all my whole life. being belittled and torn apart by the people around me. being treated like dirt. there are only a very few people in this world that i trust and i honestly believe that they are the reason why i am here today. somedays, like today, i feel like i am the lonliest that i have ever been in my entire life. days when people gang up on me and flip things around to make it all seem like everything is my fault. i need an escape. not a dangerous and selfish one. just a healthy one. one that wont hurt anyone. one that will make me better. one that will get me away from everything negative that i have felt all my life. if you ever seen me smile, it’s a 95% chance that it was forced. if i’ve ever acted naive and rediculous to get attention, it was forced. It is all an act of mine to cover up these tears that are forever streaming down my face. no one listens. everyone pretends. no one takes me serious. but believe me when i day, i could honestly care less. i know i deserve better than all of this. i’m through with faking, i’m through with missing people, i’m through with letting everyone around me take advantage of me.. i just want to live and be happy for one day. ONE DAY! that is all i’m asking. it’s not much to ask for is it? i hope not. i just want a happily ever after like in the end of all story books. i just want to experience one day of pure bliss with the things and people that i love most. and the sad this is… the people that make me feel this way are some of the people that i love most… i just have a hard time actually making myself remember this. even after all of the cruel things that have been said and done to me… i still love you. I STILL FUCKING LOVE YOU! HOW SICK IS THAT? whatever though, i just wish that i had someone or something or anything that will listen to me. i want to live my life to its fullest but i have all of these thing weighing me down. if you read this, thank you so much. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
